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jeannierhyu:

Jelly Glow (2014) | Jeannie Rhyu | Gouache, Watercolor on paper | 36” x 36”

I’m obsessed with JellyFish, Owls, Elephants, Hedgehogs and Tyler Hoechlin. 
It’s about to get personal again

I don’t know how I wanna start this post, but here I go..

I have known for years that I didn’t want to live and settle down in my hometown. There is little to nothing here for me. I’m a senior in college. My life is about to come to a huge point with big decisions. I can’t do what I love and what I’ve spent tens of thousands of hours and dollars getting my degree in. I can’t make a living of photography here. I knew that when I started and I’m okay with that.

Many things have changed in my life in the past 3-5 years. Big changes. Life altering, time stopping, devastating changes. Along with all that came more drama, more crap, more stress, and more lies. Throughout all of this my home is no longer my home, and I have no where in my hometown to call my own. Like it’s always been it’s just me and my mom against the world. 

Now, I’m not saying we don’t have people who love and care for us and vise versa, but in the end mom is the only and truest family I’ve got.

Coming back from our (epic) roadtrip out west it was made more clear in my mind. Augusta, Georgia is not where we wanna be. I know myself well enough (after all I’m working on being me for my 22nd year) that I know I won’t be happy here.

I’m gonna miss my family like friends more than words can express, and I will still come back and visit….but this isn’t home anymore. This isn’t where I’m suppose to be.

I went to Alaska for two weeks when I was in elementary school. Ever since I got back mom (who had been before and didn’t go on this trip) and I have been talking about moving there ever since. I loved everything about Alaska and have felt drawn back for years. You may call me crazy, but I know deep down in my heart and gut that I’m suppose to be there. I’m suppose to live in Alaska. Now, I’ve always known I wasn’t suppose to live there forever, but I need to go, no I have to go… That is where I know I belong, even if it’s only for a few years or so. 

However, you can’t just snap your fingers and move across the country. So for now I think we’re gonna stay in Georgia, just move to a different part while I finish out school. 

I thought this would make me sad, angry and just a mix of sour emotions, but it doesn’t. I’m sad to leave the loved ones I do have here, but I know this isn’t where I’m suppose to be.. This isn’t where I’ll be happy. This isn’t where I’ll have a career, or start a family. This isn’t where I belong and I’ve accepted that now, even though I’ve always known

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No, I never have. I truly hope one day I will.
Dear world, don’t you know that I’m in extreme denial about Adam Levine’s wedding? I’m trying to ignore this and you’re not helping.
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Personal Post Time

I’m 21.

I’m overweight.

Severely overweight. 

I have had a weight problem since elementary school.

I have tried everything under the moon, other than surgery, to help me lose weight.. I have tried pills, every diet possible, and even being hypnotized. A few of the diets worked, like South Beach Diet.. It worked but it’s just impossible to to stay on a diet forever, so even with the change of lifestyle that came with the diet I gained the weight back. I have done Nutrisystem and let me tell you…that food is disgusting. I lost about 30 pounds on that, but then I couldn’t stomach the food anymore so I came off the diet and back came all that weight, plus more. Then I found the wonderful program called Food Lovers. It isn’t a diet, it’s a lifestyle change. It teaches you how to create the best plate possible. How to speed up your metabolism, and just how to eat what you love correctly. 

Sadly, even with this great program I can’t keep up with it. I’m in art school, going into my senior year. We’re on the quarter program and my schedule while it might sound light and simple is anything but. A full load is 3 classes, all 2:30 hours long. We don’t have class on Fridays, this is all so that we have time to complete all of our projects. I’m a photo major. I spend thousands of hours setting up, going to locations, shooting, processing, editing, printing, framing, etc.. I honestly don’t have time to eat most days. I usually have breakfast, don’t eat lunch and then I’m starving at dinner and don’t feel like cooking when I get home after such long days at school.

However the good news is that over 2 years after starting the Food Lovers Program I haven’t gained any weight. I have FINALLY kept off my 50+ pound weight loss. Which is fantastic.

But.. in the end I still have a good 160+ pounds to lose. I want to be healthy, fit, and happy. All of my happiness depends on my weight, I just want to snap my fingers and have it all be gone.

Another problem is exercise…I have never been able to be consistent with it. People, especially people who aren’t severely overweight, that overweight people can’t do average exercise. Exercising hurts, physically, emotionally, and mentally. 

I went on a walk with my family a few days ago. Me + 3 Adults + 4 year old + golden retriever. I couldn’t keep up… at all. I finally took my shoes off because my feet hurt so badly and felt like they weighed 100 pounds each. So then I walked over 2 miles in my socks and ankle brace, I refused to give up. I got back home and my feet were eaten up with blisters… Well now my feet have healed and I just can’t make myself go back out and walk. I was in so much pain. Physically my feet and my body was excruciating, and mentally and emotionally I was just beaten down. I don’t know how to just pick myself up and get back at it. I’m just scared of being in all that pain again…

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Soooo excited.

& can’t tell a soul what about.

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Roadtrip! Georgia-Alabama-Mississippi-Louisiana-Texas-New Mexico-Arizona-Nevada-Arizona-New Mexico-Texas-Oklahoma-Arkansas-Tennessee-Mississippi-Alabama-Georgia

After 3 weeks it’s feels so crazy to be back in Georgia! Las Vegas was everything I hoped it would be and more. Driving out there just mom and I was the best decision ever. We would have missed so much if we had flown. Driving gave us even more time together. We found pictures in the clouds and rocked out to all kinds of music. We got to see states I’d never been to. I’ve fallen in love with Texas, eaten the best Chinese food in Louisiana and met some of the nicest people along the way. Our week in Vegas was so great. The strip is fantastic and was so fun to walk up and down (with a drink in our hands!) The shows were fantastic and worth every penny. Seeing the Chippendales in Vegas was so much fun and the guys were ridiculously nice and all told me happy (late) birthday repeatedly. Cirque Du Soleil show “O” was out of this world. It was just phenomenal. Every part of Vegas was perfect and I can’t wait to go back. Then we headed back to Arizona to go to The Grand Canyon and I was speechless. Nothing I can do, say, or show you just how wonderful and magnificent it truly is. I can’t wait to go back and spend even more time there. I loved this roadtrip of ours and wouldn’t have traded it for anything in the world. I’m so glad that mom and I are so close that we can do things like this and get back only to look at each other to see if we’re ready for our next adventure. I have the best mom in the world and God only knows I wouldn’t make it without her. I love you mommy, a million potstickers! Thank you for everything. This was the 21st birthday celebration that I always wanted, and waiting a few months made the trip more special and so much better than just a quick fly out to Vegas for a few nights!

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Cadillac Ranch! #CadillacRanch #Cadillac #Texas #Amarillo #cars #mom #graffiti #roadtrip
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